If your knee-jerk reaction is to scroll past this tip because it’s too “woo-woo,” hear me out: Psychologist Dr. Margaret Paul tells BuzzFeed that feeling angry at someone else can be an indication that you’re not taking care of yourself in a situation, so talking to your inner child can help you to not only calm down, but also to identify what’s wrong and be nicer to yourself.
“Imagine the angry part of you is a child within you having a temper tantrum, but who is really needing compassion. Imagine holding that angry child with kindness, caring, and compassion,” she says. “Ask that angry inner child what he or she is angry at you about. Are you not speaking up for yourself? Are you being compliant instead of honest? Are you ignoring your deeper feelings of heartbreak, loneliness, or helplessness over a person or situation?”
5. Learn to identify signs you might be angry without realizing it so it doesn’t catch you off guard.
Have you ever exploded on someone and then been shocked by your own behavior? You probably haven’t yet learned how anger physically manifests in your body.
“Many people don’t realize they’re angry until after they’ve reacted with anger,” psychologist Dr. Sari Chait tells BuzzFeed. She recommends “noting if your shoulders get tense or you clench your jaw or make a fist. Taking note of your thoughts and feelings is also important. Are you unable to think clearly? Do you have tunnel vision?”
Write these things down, then clock them when they start to show up in your body; to help the fires die down in the moment, take deep breaths or leave the room.
6. Do a body scan and release the tension in your body.
Most of us experience some physical manifestation of anger, so try this technique from Avedian: “Squeeze or tense up various areas in your body three times per section, for five seconds in length, and relax. Common body areas include shoulders, arms, hands, legs, and feet.” That should help to ease the physical tension and, in turn, calm your anger.
7. Watch something funny.
Have you ever been in the midst of a fight with a partner when suddenly they crack a joke and it instantly makes you feel lighter? Depending on the seriousness of the argument, this can be a recipe for disaster. But sometimes it really helps. Avedian recommends watching something funny, like a favorite stand-up comedy clip on YouTube, if you’re starting to get angry — especially over something relatively minor, like a sink full of unwashed dishes. “Learn to laugh at yourself,” she recommends.
8. Check in with yourself.
That “hangry” feeling is real — science says so. That’s why checking yourself in a heated moment is so important, says therapist Patrice Douglas. “Are you having a bad day? Are you hungry? Are you tired or just not feeling yourself? When feeling like this, we are often on edge and can take what someone says or does the wrong way, causing us to react in anger,” she adds.
9. Ask yourself if the person you’re angry at is
trying to hurt you.
We’ve all taken a friend or partner’s comment the wrong way, especially if we’re hungry, tired, or stressed. So taking a minute to think about the true intention of a seemingly hurtful remark can cool a situation down pretty quickly. Says Douglas, “When we get angry, our mind is perceiving someone as a threat and we must protect [ourselves], but sometimes, we take things wrong or hear it incorrectly.”
Source : https://www.buzzfeed.com/stephhallett/how-to-calm-down-when-angry